Prolific Pasta

I may have missed my window, but last year Stop & Shop (lovingly referred to as “Stop & hop” by my way-better half because the light was out on the second Capital-S where she once lived) had “Pasta” on sale for 88 cents a box – yellow labels, in a barrel, toward the front of the store. Then it dropped even further (see below).

Now fans are scrambling to get their hands on a box to mount on bedroom bookshelves, never to be consumed.

Little did I know David Pastrnak was going to get hot the way Jarome Iginla did at the home stretch of his only season in Boston, but in the case of Pastrnak, not only did he wipe clean any doubt that he would have scored his 49th, 50th and who knows how many more had not the Bruins’ Presidents Trophy season of 2019-20 been suddenly canceled by COVID-19.

(As an aside, the 2020 bubble-hockey playoffs never should have taken place – a full offseason later. The pandemic playoffs amounted to a shameless cash grab by the NHL and a championship the Tampa Bay Lightning never would have won with Victor Hedman out of their lineup in the spring … c’mon … and, if they don’t win, who does? 2019 was too soon, but 2020, that was the Bruins’ time, So where were they? Oh sure, lose Game 7, come back and win the Presidents Trophy, then be told to wait until the short-notice hop-to arrives in the mail. Joke. The hockey played at the end of the summer of 2020 had zero to do with the hockey played from October 3, 2019, to March 10, 2020. Zero. And to remove any other assumptions: The cap rules are the cap rules, and I think the Bolts would have won the Cup in 2021 with or without Kucherov, no issues there. They were the class of the league.)

I digress.

So 2019-20, that would-be first, 50-goal season of Pastrnak’s (he scored 48) was rendered a footnote last winter and especially spring by the right winger’s late-season surge to 61 goals, Boston’s only 60-goal season not produced by the great Phil Esposito.

In my inflated sense of self-importance, I’ve given Pasta as a hard time as I did Espo. As lovable a character, as good a guy – hell, he even loves tennis, which should make me a fanboy (right?) – as he is, the hockey fan in me tends to demand much from the uber-talented who have a tendency to, say, get their goals irrespective of the team’s performance.

The only other player the Bruins have had since Esposito who is plain old going to score whether the Bruins are winning 8-5 or losing 5-2 is Charlie Simmer, and he was well into the back nine for his three seasons in Boston (1984-87).

I don’t put Rick Middleton or Cam Neely into this category of scoring machine. Both were Hall of Fame talents in their own right – yes, I know the HHOF has not recognized the People’s Hall of Famer (show me a fan who followed Middleton’s career, and I’ll show you someone who thinks his snub is theater of the absurd) – but Middleton’s ability to drive through the gates of hell to the net for the vast majority of his strikes and Neely’s ability to run over big defensemen (and both wingers’ immense playmaking ability) made their offense more a byproduct of the battle rather than an inevitability.

Esposito is one of the greatest puck protectors hockey has ever seen. Once he leaned on a defenseman and held the puck out wide on his backhand, there was no throwing him off. His snap shot was lethal, and, when he wanted to, he could be a beast in the corners (see 1972 Summit Series) and in his own end. Espo didn’t score as much as a Ranger as he had as a Bruin, but he was a better player in 1979 than he was in 1975, in part because Fred Shero got him off the ice in time to rest up and be a strong version of himself the next time out.

Pastrnak is a different animal, as much Jaromir Jagr as he is Alex Ovechkin but not as physical as either. And not blessed with blazing, north-south speed, either, but there is very little he cannot do. Put him in a phone booth with five defenders and he will find a way to score a goal. Like other rare savants, Adam Oates and Marc Savard, it is a rare trip down the ice when Pasta doesn’t have an original thought and doesn’t invent the sport of hockey.

This season he seems to recognize the extra attention of opponents, who don’t need to divide it among Patrice Bergeron, David Krejci and Taylor Hall (as well as Brad Marchand and Jake DeBrusk). Pasta’s response has been to make hits, not just hit back. He’s nastier this season. He’s been making his space ’70s style.

Pastrnak’s pass off the rush to Marchand for the latter’s pretty goal on Monday night was a thing to behold, better than his slow dangles on breakaways and penalty shots (which means something to me because those goals are real and cannot be compared to shootout attempts).

A nod to Johnny Bucyk, whose one (51)-goal season came at age 35 and might be unique in that he skated on the Bruins’ second line (thought 22 were scored on the powerplay – he actually beat his 1970-71 5v5 total in other seasons).

So here’s what I’ve been building up to, a brief look at the Bruins’ greatest, modern-era goal machines and how old they were when they peaked.

First, Esposito, whose NHL rookie season was 1963-64 with the Chicago Black Hawks at age 21/22 (Feb. 20 birthday):

Age: Goals in Games Played

21/22: 3 in 27

22/23: 23 in 70

23/24: 27 in 69

24/25: 21 in 69

[traded to the Bruins]

25/26: 35 in 74

26/27: 49 in 74

27/28: 43 in 76 (Hart Trophy)

28/29: 76* in 78 (NHL record)

29/30: 66 in 76 (Stanley Cup)

30/31: 55 in 78

31/32: 68 in 78 (Hart Trophy) (Cup final)

32/33: 61 in 79

33/34: 35 in 74* (traded: 6 in 12 w/BOS; 29 in 62 w/NYR)

34/35: 34 in 80

35/36: 38 in 79

36/37: 42 in 80 (Cup final)

37/38: 34 in 80

38/39: 7 in 41

Pastrnak (May 25 birthday … NHL rookie 2014-15)

Age: Goals in Games Played

18: 10 in 46

19: 15 in 51

20: 34 in 75

21: 35 in 82

22: 38 in 66 (Cup final)

23: 48 in 70* (COVID-canceled season)

24: 20 in 48 (COVID-delayed/shortened season)

25: 40 in 72

26: 61 in 82

27: 8 … in 9 …

Middleton (Dec 4 birthday … NHL rookie 1974-75)

Age: Goals in Games Played

21/22: 22 in 47

22/23: 24 in 77

(traded to the Bruins)

23/24: 20 in 72 (Cup final)

24/25: 25 in 79 (Cup final)

25/26: 38 in 71

26/27: 40 in 80

27/28: 44 in 80

28/29: 51 in 75 (Barry Pederson’s rookie season)

29/30: 49 in 80

30/31: 47 in 80

(Pederson traded for Neely, Vancouver’s first – Glen Wesley)

31/32: 30 in 80

32/33: 14 in 49 (Chris Nilan stick incident)

33/34: 31 in 76

34/35: 13 in 59

Neely (June 6 birthday … NHL rookie 1983-84)

Age: Goals in Games Played

18: 16 in 56

19: 21 in 72

20: 14 in 73

(traded to the Bruins)

21: 36 in 75

22: 42 in 69

23: 37 in 74

24: 55 in 76

25: 51 in 69

26: 9 in 9

27: 11 in 13

28: 50 in 49* (record season ended by injury)

29: 27 in 42 (lockout-delayed/shortened season)

30: 26 in 49

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